Attitude Adjustment NEEDED

 

Last night I found out for the third month in a row that I am not pregnant. Sigh...

I went off the pill when we left for our trip in August. We took one month "off" to give my body time to adjust to being off the pill, and then the baby making began in earnest (read: lots of sex!).

Over the years I have watched friends go through the getting pregnant thing, and I always told myself that I wouldn't be one of those people who stressed out over getting pregnant. I don't want to chart my cycle, take my temperature, have sex according to a calendar, etc. After all, as everyone will tell you, it's when you're thinking about it and worrying about it that it usually won't happen. So, you might ask, how'd that work out for me? Yeah, not so well.

Having spent years waiting for the right time, watching people around me doing it, and being so excited to experience it for myself, I'm now very very ready to get pregnant! The problem is, I haven't figured out how to be in the process of making a baby and not be attached to the results. And the worst part for me is the waiting each month. Waiting, waiting, and then...disappointment.

Donovan and I had really hoped that we would make a baby while we were in France. The idea of buying our kid a "Made in France" shirt was just too much fun! So when we got home last month and found out that hadn't happened, I was bummed. Still, onwards and upwards and all that, right? So for month three we decided to not worry about day counts, positions, superstitions and all that, and just have lots of sex. I made a very conscious effort not to think about things too much and just go with the flow, and I was doing okay until the last few days. As it got closer to the end of my cycle I started wondering, checking, and finally...hoping. The hoping was what made it all the worse to find out it hadn't happened, and I had a bit of a melt-down last night.

See, as much as I want to be pregnant, there's still a part of me that doesn't believe it's going to happen. Though my body has never given me any reason to doubt it, and has always risen to the challenges I have presented it with, there's still a question in my mind. Being a strong believer in the mind-body connection, I have to wonder if my fears and disbelief are preventing me from getting pregnant. And this is where the attitude adjustment comes in. I need to get these fears and disbeliefs out of my system and get to a place of KNOWING that I WILL be pregnant.

Probably a good place to start would be to get all the crap out of my head about getting pregnant. So, here goes:

• I'm too old (I'm thirty-eight and a half), and getting older can cause fertility issues.
• I'm too fat (I'm 40+ pounds overweight), and being overweight can cause fertility issues.
• I work out too hard and stress my body out too much to create a hospitable environment for a baby to grow.
• I put my body through too much pain with physical therapy and deep massages to create a hospitable environment for a baby to grow.
• I want it too badly and haven't let go enough.
• What if my eggs don't work right?
• What if Donovan's swimmers don't work right? 
• Pregnancy happens for other people, why can't it happen for me?
• Our friends are dealing with fertility issues...what if that happens to us?

A friend suggested that I collage all of the noise in my head. Should make for an interesting collage, huh? I also think that some good visualizations will help. In any case, I am committed to getting my head on straight about this in the next few days so that I can go into month four with a knowledge and certainty that pregnancy is in my very near future. Wish me luck!!


(Image Source)

To Niche Or Not to Niche...

That is the question.

All throughout my iPEC training to be a coach, one message was sent loud and clear: pick a niche! On subsequent calls and in other related programs, the same message was sent louder and clearer: pick a niche!

What does this mean? Picking a niche means narrowing down the group of people that I am targeting with my coaching, preferably as much as possible. Kind of like picking a specialty. It's not enough to say, "I'm a life coach." The more specific my target audience, the better.

Picking a niche is a wall that I have been banging up against for months. I see the logic in it; the more specific I am about who I coach, the easier it is to market myself as a coach. It makes sense. And yet when it comes to actually picking my niche, I get stuck. I know I don't want to be a business coach, a grief coach, a divorce coach or a dating coach. I don't want to be a corporate coach, a weight-loss coach, a speaking coach, or a parenting coach. But who DO I want to coach?

What I've got right now after many hours of talking to people and hashing it out, is this very rough version, that quite honestly, I find a little intimidating: "I'm a life coach who helps women in their thirties and forties - who are tired of not living up to their so-called potential, can't seem to get past their own perfectionism, and want to be making a bigger difference in the world - realize how amazing they are so that they can get out there and be the game-changers they know they're meant to be." 

It scares me, this whole picking a niche thing. What if I pick wrong? What if I pick *too* specific and nobody comes to me for coaching? And in the meantime, as I've spent months and months struggling to narrow down my niche, what I haven't been doing is coaching anyone. I'm not introducing myself to people as an awesome life coach because I'm not sure who I'm targeting. I'm not working on my branding for my website because I'm not sure who I'm targeting.

I became a coach because I want to make a difference in the world, one person at a time. And right now, I'm. Not. Doing. That.

I have what they call "analysis paralysis". I've been stressing out over this thing for a couple of months now, which is no good (especially while we're in the process of making a baby!). And, as my sweet, ever-supportive husband pointed out, while I struggle and avoid and bang up against walls and stress out, I am depriving the world of me as a life coach.

So maybe there's a happy medium. Maybe while I work on narrowing down my niche and figuring out my branding I can actually start introducing myself as a life coach, one who empowers people to achieve what they want and to live a life they love. Who wouldn't want a little bit of that?

(Image Source)