Coaching Really DOES Work!

Well, duh, right? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be a life coach if I didn't believe that.This is really more of a reminder for me than a revelation.

For the last few months of 2012 I was in the "intellectual pursuit of coaching" (as Marni likes to say), meaning I was caught up in (or...stuck in??) the details and business end of coaching. As such, I've felt pretty disconnected from coaching itself.

In the last few weeks I've joined a coaching circle with some colleagues, so I'm both coaching someone and being coached by someone else. Additionally, I've started coaching a few of my friends for the fun (and practice!) of it.

From both sides of the coaching relationship, I'm reminded that having someone call you on your shit and hold you accountable for what you say you want in your life is extremely effective! I'm watching the friends that I'm coaching making great progress toward their goals, which is awesome and very gratifying. And on my own end, I'm seeing forward motion in areas that I've been super stuck on for months! (Hooray!!)

Here's the thing about coaching. You have to be willing to play full out and be a little uncomfortable in order for things to change. If you show up ready to push yourself, look at what's stopping you, and be held accountable, it's amazing what can happen!

Very excited to be back in the swing of things!! :)

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To Niche Or Not to Niche...

That is the question.

All throughout my iPEC training to be a coach, one message was sent loud and clear: pick a niche! On subsequent calls and in other related programs, the same message was sent louder and clearer: pick a niche!

What does this mean? Picking a niche means narrowing down the group of people that I am targeting with my coaching, preferably as much as possible. Kind of like picking a specialty. It's not enough to say, "I'm a life coach." The more specific my target audience, the better.

Picking a niche is a wall that I have been banging up against for months. I see the logic in it; the more specific I am about who I coach, the easier it is to market myself as a coach. It makes sense. And yet when it comes to actually picking my niche, I get stuck. I know I don't want to be a business coach, a grief coach, a divorce coach or a dating coach. I don't want to be a corporate coach, a weight-loss coach, a speaking coach, or a parenting coach. But who DO I want to coach?

What I've got right now after many hours of talking to people and hashing it out, is this very rough version, that quite honestly, I find a little intimidating: "I'm a life coach who helps women in their thirties and forties - who are tired of not living up to their so-called potential, can't seem to get past their own perfectionism, and want to be making a bigger difference in the world - realize how amazing they are so that they can get out there and be the game-changers they know they're meant to be." 

It scares me, this whole picking a niche thing. What if I pick wrong? What if I pick *too* specific and nobody comes to me for coaching? And in the meantime, as I've spent months and months struggling to narrow down my niche, what I haven't been doing is coaching anyone. I'm not introducing myself to people as an awesome life coach because I'm not sure who I'm targeting. I'm not working on my branding for my website because I'm not sure who I'm targeting.

I became a coach because I want to make a difference in the world, one person at a time. And right now, I'm. Not. Doing. That.

I have what they call "analysis paralysis". I've been stressing out over this thing for a couple of months now, which is no good (especially while we're in the process of making a baby!). And, as my sweet, ever-supportive husband pointed out, while I struggle and avoid and bang up against walls and stress out, I am depriving the world of me as a life coach.

So maybe there's a happy medium. Maybe while I work on narrowing down my niche and figuring out my branding I can actually start introducing myself as a life coach, one who empowers people to achieve what they want and to live a life they love. Who wouldn't want a little bit of that?

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Where's the Magic Button?

I'm looking for a magic button. I know it's out there somewhere. If I just search hard enough and do more work on myself, I'll find that magic button that I can push and suddenly...

Wait, let's back up a minute.

I woke up yesterday with a feeling of doom, overwhelm and, let's face it, more than a little bit of self-pity. While my husband slept soundly next to me, a jumble of thoughts were tumbling around in my head. I'm no stranger to that nasty little voice in my head, but it must have been on steroids or something yesterday, because it was LOUD. And it was screaming about how I can't seem to create success around my weight and my career.

I've been feeling fatter than usual these past several weeks, starting eight weeks ago in Israel. I don't have a scale here, so I don't know how much weight I've gained in the last couple of months, but I know I've gained some weight. And with all the rich tasty foods we've been eating on this trip, that's not a surprise. Nor is it the point of the loud screaming in my head. My weight is something that I have been dealing with for as long as I can remember, and I've had my share of victories and defeats. I've armed myself with knowledge and support, worked with nutritionists, therapists and coaches. I know exactly what it takes to be successful at losing weight and maintaining the loss. And yet something is stopping me from creating that success for myself. And *that* is what the voice in my head is angry about. As I read stories on Facebook of friends who are achieving great successes with weight loss, the voice demands to know why it is that they can do it, but I CAN'T.

As you probably know, I'm in the process of building up my coaching business. In fact, I paid $2,000 to be in a program that's meant to jump-start the process. So far I'm struggling through the program and bumping up against a lot of walls as I do. Who will I work with? What will I offer them? What's my compelling story that lets them know I've been where they are and made it through to success? Do I even *have* one? What's going to make this business building experience different from the last business that I started and failed to build to success? And while I struggle to find my path to confidence and success, I watch my classmates and other people I know achieving all manner of successes in their own coaching businesses. They publish articles, they give interviews, they find clients, they ink book deals, they create partnerships. And that little voice once again wants to know why they can do it, but I CAN'T.

See, this would all be so much simpler to explain if I were stupid or incapable. But I'm not. Not even close. Here I am, an intelligent, educated woman with countless gifts, talents and resources, and I can't seem to get out of my own way long enough to allow myself to succeed in these two areas. And the voice wants to know WHY.

There's a part of me that knows that I need to be going through all this to get to the success that's waiting for me on the other side. That I'm exactly where I need to be, and this is all part of the process.

But I'm so tired of this weight on my shoulders. So tired of feeling like a giant failure when it comes to this, of feeling like I'm not living up to my potential. So tired of letting this interfere with the amazing, blessed life that I am living. So tired of wondering if I'm even qualified to *be* a coach with so much crap floating around in my head. So tired of hearing myself whining about the same things over and over again (aren't you?).

And that's why I'm looking for a magic button. A button that I can push and suddenly I'll be motivated and willing to do what it takes to succeed. I'll know that it's possible and I'll let myself do it. And I'll be happy and at peace.

Now if I could just find that damned button...


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Life in France and Other Musings

I have the best, most supportive husband in the world. More on that later...

We're in France! I'm sitting here at the dining room table, looking out at the water and the cruise ship that is docked in our bay for the day. How crazy is it that we're actually doing this thing we've talked about for so long?

The view from our apartment in Villefranche

After spending ten fabulous days in Israel (I'll probably write about that soon), we arrived here in France on Monday night. We're getting more settled in, and definitely want to do more exploring of our town and surrounding areas.

While we were in Israel, we were on vacation. No work, no coaching business, no nothing. And truth be told, I didn't do a whole lot the week before we left, either. Now that we're in France, it's back to normal life, albeit in a most amazing setting. So, back to "building a coaching business", which is what I tell people I'm doing nowadays. I'm definitely slow on getting back into things. I've signed up for a program that starts next week, called the Confident Coach Blueprint program, which I've put a lot of stock into as far as really moving me forward with my coaching business and helping me suss out who/what I really want to coach. We have pre-course homework, and as I sit here pretending to work on it, I'm hearing that fabulous little voice in my head again. "Am I ever going to have a successful coaching business? Do I even remember how to coach someone?"

I think partially I'm feeling disconnected from coaching, as it's been quite a while since I was coaching anyone with any regularity. In fact, while we were in Israel, the subject came up, and it was almost physically jarring to me to realize that I'm a coach. It was so completely out of my reality!

And here's where my amazing husband comes in. I share all this with him, and he says to me, "You are a little girl who moves mountains." I am? He gives me a couple of examples of me making things happen, like us living in France for eight weeks, or remodeling his house from top to bottom to turn it into our amazing home. Yes, he says, "You get shit done...if you want to." Hmmm...If I want to...interesting. And what pops into my head as I stand there in my husband's arms is "If I want to, and I think that it's possible." Which makes me wonder...

Do I truly believe, deep down inside, that I can have a thriving coaching business? That I can discover my message, reach out into the world, and make a real difference with people? Through coaching, through speaking, through writing a book...do I believe that??? Because yes, I am a woman who gets shit done. And of course, I have everything I need to be successful, in spades. Except maybe the belief that it's possible. Which is kind of the key.

So what now? For starters, I'm going to sit here and enjoy my amazing view of Villefranche, and think about what it's going to take to truly believe in my future success as an amazing, inspirational coach.

If I Don't Have Any Clients, Am I Still a Coach?

According to iPEC, I am now a certified professional coach.  However, I don't have a single client, so am I really a coach?  Stupid question, I know.  Is a doctor still a doctor when they're not seeing patients?  Of course they are.  So yes, I really am a coach.  But I don't have a coaching business right now.  And I'm completely at a loss for how to create one.  There are all these different things that I can do, from creating a presence through social media to finding ways to network with real people to who knows what else. 

Part of my issue right now is that my confidence in myself as a coach is kinda low.  Not that I don't make a difference with people when I coach them, because I'm clear that I do.  But right now I don't have any clients, so I'm not getting to experience myself that way.  Additionally, the confidence I have in my message as a coach is even lower.  So when I start to have a conversation with someone about what I do, I feel like a blustering idiot.  And yes, I know that to gain confidence in talking to people, I have to actually talk to people.  And though it feels incredibly awkward right now, it will get less awkward as time goes on until I don't even think about it anymore because it's just second nature.  Really, I'd like to skip all the middle part and just get to that last part right now.  Any ideas how to do that??

 

I really really really don't want to sabotage this new business that I'm creating, and I'm clear that the only thing standing in the way of my success right now is ME.  Part of the issue is that it's comfortable and easy for me to fill my time with other things.  Lunches with friends, workouts, appointments...all sorts of things that take up my time and leave me with no time for building my coaching business.  I did the same thing when I had FitnessWave, so I already have this image of myself as someone who doesn't successfully market her business.  And of course, if I have no confidence in myself as a coach or in the message I'm spreading, and if I'm uncomfortable talking to people about what I do, it makes perfect sense that I would want to fill my time with other things and give myself a convenient excuse not to go out there and build the business.  

 

Here's what I haven't said so far because it's an ugly truth for me:  While there's a (large?) part of me that really wants to succeed in this business as a coach and really make a difference for a huge amount of people while bringing in a great income, I think that there's a (large?) part of me that has already decided that it's not going to happen, and I'm going to fail.  Not be a bad coach, because that's not who I am, but fail to grow the business and thrive as a coach.  And really, if there's ANY part of me that has already made that decision, then I'm kind of screwed.

Add to that the fact that I'm comparing myself to all these people around me who are finding great success as coaches and really working hard to build their businesses (and succeeding at it), and I end up in quite a funk.

 

So I find myself wallowing in this crappy headspace that I'm in, and thus far not finding my way out of it.  I'm sure that this, too, shall pass.  Ironic that as a coach I am totally equipped to get other people out of funks like this, but not myself!  At least not so far...

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And...She's Back!

Hello!  Here we are, together again, here on my blog, you and I!

Today I started a six-week writing teleseminar, to give myself an extra little kick in the pants to get writing again.  Not just here, but on my coaching blog as well.  And who knows...maybe I'll write a chapter or two of the book that's brewing in my head...

I started thinking about what I could write about here, and there's so much to tell!  That's what happens when I don't blog for a few months...

I'll start with this:  I am now a Certified Professional Coach!!!  I turned in all my materials, took my oral exam, passed it, and voila!  I'm certified!  :)   I am always interested in talking to anyone who is interested in finding out more about coaching and how it might work for them, so if you want to know more, let me know!  I've had some really great clients so far, who have accomplished all sorts of awesome things through their coaching!  :)

And for those of you who were anxiously following the great cupcake experiment, I have switched gears and have been focusing on the great French Macaron experiment instead.  French macarons are not an easy thing to make, and with the help of some stellar recipes/instructions from Stella Parks (aka BraveTart), I've so far managed to make some pretty delicious varieties!  I started with the plain almond macaron with a vanilla swiss buttercream filling, then I did a hazelnut macaron with a dark chocolate ganache filling, and most recently I did a yuzu (Japanese citron) almond macaron with a yuzu swiss buttercream filling.  There's something about watching a person's face the first time they try a macaron.  It's so unexpected...the softness, the chewiness, the deliciousness.  People's faces are always so surprised and elated!

My latest batch, the yuzu macaron with yuzu buttercream

So much more to tell, and I'll save it for another day.  I'm not planning on going MIA again, so stay tuned for more!  :)

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Apparently I Needed a Break

It's been a month since my last blog post.  Apparently I needed a break!  :)  And boy is there a lot going on!

I'm focusing on finishing up my coach training program, and am hoping to be certified by around the end of June.  It's been going really great, and soon I'll get to focus on building up my business, my presence, and my clientele!  In truth, I'm nervous about that part.  I have a past experience of myself as someone who wasn't motivated to do what it took to build up my last business, and I really don't want to repeat that experience with my coaching business.  Guess that's a good awareness to start with!

The biggest thing that has been in the works lately is our trip for the fall.  We've been talking about it and semi-planning it for a while now, but these last few days we actually booked most of it, and we're definitely going!!!  The plan is to leave just after our one-year wedding anniversary in August and fly to Israel for my cousin Ella's wedding.  We're going to spend a week and a half in Israel seeing family and being tourists.  Donovan has never been to Israel, so this will be an adventure for him!  Also fun is that his parents are going to fly from Hawaii to Israel and hang out with us for the time we're there, too!  My parents and lots of my other family will also be there.  It's going to be a blast!

The view from our apartment balcony in Villefranche

From there we fly to Nice, France (on the French Riviera).  We're renting an apartment in the coastal town of Villefranche sur Mer, about ten minutes outside of Nice, and we'll be staying there for eight whole weeks!!  Donovan will be working his regular four-tens while we're in France, so we'll have a three day weekend every weekend to go and explore the area.  We're not planning on renting a car in France, and are going to take full advantage of the buses and trains.  I know we'll want to visit Nice, take the train to Monte Carlo, take the train into Italy, maybe spend a few days in Paris...there are so many options!  I have no idea what I'll do during the day while Donovan is working, but I'm sure I'll figure out ways to amuse myself!  I have no qualms about checking out the surrounding areas on my own (scouting, if you will...) so that I find cool stuff for the two of us to do on the weekends.

We come back at the end of October, about nine and a half weeks after we leave.  I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about this!!!  Donovan and I have been talking about wanting to live in different places in the world for a few months at a time practically since we met.  And we're finally doing it!!!!!!!!!!  There are lots of preparations to be made, including me learning French!  I already did lesson 1 in Pimsleur French 1...only 89 lessons to go!  We leave in just over three months from now, and I am so very very stoked!!!  It's going to be such an amazing adventure for us!!! :)