The Universe Has A Way...

Oftentimes when I'm driving somewhere, I'll use that time to catch up on phone calls.  Multi-tasking!  :)  Tonight I was driving to a friend's house for a Halloween potluck, and I decided to call my friend Katie in Nashville and see how she's doing.  Voicemail!  So then, I decided to call my parents and chat with them.  Answering machine!  Third on the list?  My cousin Sigal, who earlier today called me to ask if I would proofread a query letter she's sending out tomorrow to a potential book agent.  Called her house...answering machine!  Called her cell phone, and...BINGO!!  A real live human being!!  Turns out she was just walking in the door with her son.

 

We started talking about the query letter, which I had edited earlier, and she explained that this agent is having a query letter contest, which is why she was submitting a letter.  She asked me if I thought that her letter was good enough to capture the agent's attention.  We decided that we should work on creating something a little more "grabby".  I was going to suggest that we set up a call for tomorrow sometime to work on it, since I was in the car, but it turns out she needed to submit it tomorrow morning at 6:00am!  So instead we started working on it right then!

I arrived at my friend's house and sat in my parked car watching all the trick-or-treaters going by as my cousin and I worked on her letter.  Since I didn't have it in front of me, she would read me a sentence, and we would de- and re-construct it, and then she would read it to me again.  We went through many iterations of this process!  In the end, we came up with something really awesome!  I'm hoping the agent will get sucked in by our end result...I definitely think it sounded like a tag line from a movie trailer (in a good way!).

Either way, I think it's amazing how the universe (or whatever you believe in) arranges things to happen a certain way.  If Katie had answered the phone, or if my parents would have been home, I might not have talked to Sigal tonight, and we wouldn't have gotten to work on that letter together.  I know that she felt supported by me, and I was thrilled to be able to help her out...so, thank you, Universe!  :)

Traditions

My best friend Sheri's birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and tonight we took her and her husband Dan out for dinner to celebrate (better late than never!).  She got to pick where we went, and she picked Ruth's Chris.  On the way there, Donovan and I stopped at Vons to get her a balloon, because no birthday celebration is complete without a balloon, even a belated one!  While we were there, I realized that there was a birthday tradition that had gone missing over the past few years...

For years and years, for every birthday or special occasion, Sheri, Brian and I would get Vons white cake with white frosting.  It was simply all of our favorite.  Apparently without realizing it, when Brian and I broke up, I stopped getting Sheri the Vons white cake for her birthday.

So tonight, when we stopped at Vons, we got her a Vons white cake.  It had orange and purple frosting in honor of Halloween, and we had the bakery guy write "Happy Birfday Sheri!!" on it in purple frosting (mispelled on purpose).  It even had orange frosting pumpkins on it, which was perfect for an inside joke she and I have.  Her face lit up when she saw the cake...she was just so excited about it!  When our waitress brought it out at the end of the meal with candles lit, it was perfect.  And when Sheri took her first bite of the cake, she was just so happy.

It made me wonder...how many other traditions have I let slip away that might be missing for someone I love?

Does Changing My Name Mean Losing My Identity?

I've been married for over two months now, and today I started the process of legally changing my name everywhere it needs to be changed...social security, DMV, passport, etc.  Thankfully, our officiant pointed me to an online service that's basically a one-stop shop for doing this.  It will undoubtedly take some time to get completed, but in a month or two, I should officially be Mrs. Iris Meyers.

For the last 37 years, I have known myself as Iris Wilnai.  When I was with Brian, and we would talk about getting married, I was very unsure about whether I wanted to change my name.  I was clear that so much of who I am was tied to being a Wilnai.  I'm not sure when my perspective on this topic shifted, but somewhere between ending my relationship with Brian and marrying Donovan, I found peace with changing my name.  At the very least, I found peace with the idea of it.  Being called Mrs. Meyers or Iris Meyers still freaks me out right now, and I assume that it'll take some time to get used to that.

So what shifted?  For one thing, the Meyers family has been nothing but amazing to me from day one, and being a member of their family makes me very happy.  More importantly, I realize that I will always be a Wilnai, no matter what name the world knows me by.  The Wilnai family is my family of origin, and changing my name doesn't change that.  Nor does it change my genetics, or who I am as a person.

When we have kids, their last name is going to be Meyers and they will have ties to both families.  Genetically they will be a mix of Meyers and Wilnai (please God, let them not get the big giant head!!), and we will help to shape and mold who they become as people, just like my parents did for me.

Being a Wilnai is in my blood, and that will never change.  Now I get to create myself as Iris Meyers, and Donovan and I get to create our own offshoot of the Meyers family!  And the cycle goes on and on...

What's Your Point?

The other day I had Donovan read my blog post after I had posted it.  His comment was basically this:  It seems like you're just writing about your everyday life.  There's not very much depth to your posts.  Why would a person want to follow your blog?

While it is true that someday when I'm coaching people I'll want to have a professional blog that is very focused and professional, right now the idea is just to get me writing, and see what comes of it.  To have a structure in place that supports my pursuing the idea that I may want to write a book someday.

I'm sure that some days I will wax more philosophical than others.  And some days I may write about the most mundane things imaginable.  In this, my second week of the blogging challenge, I don't think I'm quite ready to answer the question, "What's your point?"

Being a Writing Mentor

A couple of months ago at the beginning of the school year, my friend Mark put out a request on Facebook looking for writing mentors for his AP English class.  It would mean a weekly commitment to read a student's essay and critique it.  Supposedly 15-20 minutes a week.  I thought it sounded like fun, so I volunteered.  I asked Donovan if he wanted to do it too, and he also volunteered.

So for the past several weeks, we've been writing mentors.  We each got assigned a student, and we will be working with that same student for the whole year.  Most of the kids in Mark's class don't speak English as their primary language, and don't have the at-home resources to support them.  Thus the need for writing mentors for each student!  My student's name is Wendy, and she writes fairly well.  Some weeks her essays have been pretty painful to read, either from a grammatical standpoint, or because she was so far off topic.  I try to be very thorough in my comments and editing, so that she can understand what's not working and improve.  So far, most weeks it has taken me 30-60 minutes to do justice to the request.

When I think about these students (and I really don't know that much about them), I think about how much support was available to me as I was going through school, and how these kids don't have that.  Kudos to Mark for setting up this program for them, to really give them the best chance he can on their AP exams at the end of the year.

Tuesdays are the day that we are supposed to read the essays.  Today Donovan and I are in Cabo, and this afternoon we decided to delay going down to the pool a little bit and get our essays "out of the way."  We were pleasantly surprised to find that instead of essays this week, we had a letter from our student, updating us on how they're doing so far.  Our assignment was to just write them back!  Wendy wrote me that she's been having a few rough weeks with all her schoolwork, and also that she's changed what she wants to major in in college.  She also thanked me for being her writing mentor, and for pushing her so hard.  I encouraged her to stay in communication with her teachers and let them know when she's feeling overwhelmed.  And I let her know that all her teachers and I are there to support her.

With an hour a week of my time, I am impacting a young life.  How cool is that?

Skinny Dipping

Tonight I had my first experience with skinny dipping in public with lots of other people.  It's officially the last night of our course...we have a couple of hours in the morning, and then most everybody is leaving.  So tonight we all had a big dinner out on the beach...About 40 of us sitting at one huge long table.  It was really cool!  Afterward, some of us starting talking about skinny dipping.  I'd never been, and neither had several other people.  We were definitely considering it, when suddenly one guy stripped off his clothes and jumped in the pool.  After a couple of minutes, the big bad lifeguard with his flashlight came and insisted that he put his trunks back on.

We were now convinced that skinny dipping wasn't the best idea.  Still, it was hot and humid outside, so we decided to just go swimming.  We all went to put on bathing suits, and re-convened at the pool.  Right before Donovan and I got in the pool, someone told us that we only had two minutes, and someone was going to come and kick us out.  We got in anyway.  :)  After a few minutes in the pool, I went over to one of my friends who had never been skinny dipping and who was freaked out about it.  Suddenly she decided she was ready to take her top off.  So we did!  Now we were half-naked in the pool.  A few minutes later, the bottoms came off, too!

So there we were, 22 people in the pool, all in various states of dress.  A couple of people came in with their clothes on, most of the women were at least topless, and many of us were totally naked.  It was such a trip!  Mind you, we've been in a course together for the last six days, and we've gotten very close, so it's not like I was skinny dipping with total strangers.

It was amazingly liberating!  Nothing dirty was going on, everyone was just having a lot of fun!  I kept saying, "I'm naked in a pool with a bunch of other people!"  Of course, we were all worried that the big bad lifeguard was going to come back with his flashlight and kick us out...which thankfully didn't happen!

It was a great first experience, and a great way to end our time with all these fabulous people.

Men Vs. Women (Part 1?)

(Note:  I could go into much more detail about some concepts, and I'm tired and want to go to bed.  Maybe I'll elaborate more in future posts!)

The course we're in here in Cabo talks about the fundamental differences between men and women, the ways in which we are wired differently.  As a generalization (yes, not everyone falls into these descriptions), women are more driven by emotions than men.  What occurred to me as I was sitting in the course and listening to all the differences between men and women, is that I am very glad to be in a relationship with a man rather than with a woman. 

I'm fortunate to know quite a few amazing women who are in relationships with other women.  They don't all necessarily label themselves "lesbians", so I won't label them that either.  I've had the pleasure of spending some quality time with them here in Cabo, and it's been really great.  They all have really loving, nurturing relationships. 

Speaking for myself, as a woman I go through a huge range of emotions and moods, often daily.  Happy, sad, upset, angry, excited, etc.  I can be moody, bitchy, cranky, etc.  And Donovan very often balances me out, grounds me, and diffuses my moods.  He does it very well, partly because he knows me so well, and partly because he is a man.  Biologically, he is wired differently than I am.  We have different hormones.

I'm sure that women who are in relationships with women find a way to work around all the hormones and the moods and the emotions.  And, I'm happy to be married to Donovan!  :)

Smile!

Today at the pool, my friend Amy came and sat down with us, and she said to me, "You're always smiling."  I tried to protest, and she noted that even when I was talking to a group of people about how I didn't know what I wanted to do for a career, I was smiling.

A little while later, when Donovan and I were back in our room, I asked him about it.  Because I know that with Donovan, I'm not always smiling.  More than anyone else, he gets to see me in all my moods...grumpy, bitchy, whiny, angry, and yes, happy as well.  So is it fake when I'm with other people?

I've never considered myself to be a fake person.  In fact, I would say I'm quite the opposite.  It's usually pretty obvious when I'm unhappy or angry...I have a hard time hiding it!

I have an amazingly blessed life, and don't have a whole lot to complain about, not really.  So for me to be smiling a lot seems fairly logical.  I guess my question would be, if I'm not acting when I'm around other people, why don't I smile as much for my husband as I do for everyone else?

Beauty in Nature

So we're here in Cabo again for the second time this year (crazy!), and I'm very aware of how much I am affected by beauty, particularly outdoors in nature or man-made nature.  Our hotel sits right on the beach, and the ocean here is just sparkly and gorgeous.  From our balcony or from the terrace of the main restaurant or really from just about anywhere in the resort, the view is just amazing.  And I never ever get tired of looking at it, and it never ceases to stun me.  We were sitting outside at lunch today and I looked out at the pool, palm trees and ocean in the background, and it took my breath away.  Then I had a conversation with someone and five minutes later I looked out again, and it took my breath away.

At our hotel, the Westin Los Cabos

I don't know what it is about me that has me react this way, and it consistently happens.  A couple of years ago when I was in Slovenia with my parents, we did a hike in a river gorge.  We arrived at the end of the hike, and there were all these waterfalls and rapids.  I remember standing on one of the wood bridges that sat over one of the rapids, and just feeling totally stupefied and in awe of mother nature and what she has created.  The sound of the rushing water, the beauty of the forest, it seemed almost impossible!  And every time there's a beautiful sunset, I am captivated by it.  I simply have to stop doing whatever it is that I'm doing, and just bask in the beauty of the sunset.

I hope that I never lose this awe of nature and of beauty.  It is such a gift, and it has me appreciate the world around me in a way that I don't know if I could do otherwise.  Thank goodness for Mother Nature!  :)

Save Me a Seat!

As of today, we are in Cabo for a Landmark vacation course called "Transforming Yesterday's Strategies".  From what I can tell so far, the idea of the course is to look at how things that happened early in our lives created the strategies that we now use in our everyday lives.  Specifically the strategies we use when relating to men and the strategies we use when relating to women.  Should be a very interesting course!

Today was the first day of the course, and we had a short session, just over an hour.  Right after the session was our first dinner together, and our assignment was to notice what strategies we use when picking where to sit at dinner.  There are about 35 of us in the course, and there were tables of six or eight people.  A few of our very good friends are in the course with us, and on the way out of the course session, I called out to Roz and CJ, who were heading down to dinner, "Save me a seat!!"  Then Donovan and I went to the room to freshen up, and when we went down to dinner about ten minutes later, Roz and CJ had sure enough saved us two seats next to them. 

Looking at my strategy, I totally played it safe.  Rather than just going down to dinner and sitting wherever there was space, with whomever was at the table, I made sure that I would get to sit with my good friends.  I'm not 100% sure where this strategy comes from, but looking back I can certainly think of many occasions at meals or events when I didn't get to sit next to who I wanted to, or had to sit next to someone I didn't want to.  I was probably just avoiding that experience!  Of course I always have the choice of how I'm going to let something like that affect me, and truth be told, sometimes I have a very young reaction to it!!  :)

I'm looking forward to seeing where the course will take us this week!! 

Why Iris-Size Me?

I am five feet, one and a quarter inches tall.  (The quarter matters!!)  My husband is fourteen inches taller than me, and *loves* to make short jokes.  One morning, many moons ago, he asked me if I wanted a protein shake, and I asked for just a half of one.  A few minutes later he came in with a miniature Magic Bullet cup with shake in it, and with a straight face said "It's Iris-sized!"  I laughed hysterically, and a new saying was born.  Nowadays, anything miniature in size gets dubbed Iris-sized.  So, when I was trying to come up with a name for my new blog, Donovan suggested "Iris-Size Me," and I had to go with it.  Just in case you were wondering!!  :)

Magic Bullet cups

A Space to Call My Own

I've been living in Donovan's house (now OUR house) since March 2010.  Before that, I had been living by myself in my own 1400 square foot house for three years.  For the past year and a half, I've been living here and feeling very unsettled because it felt like there was no space for me.  Donovan had a lot of stuff, and the house wasn't organized in the best way.  He kept telling me to make space for myself and change whatever I needed to in order to feel more comfortable.  The problem was, I didn't know where to even begin.  There was so much stuff everywhere...it felt hopeless to me.  To the point where I would go downstairs, look at all the stuff, and cry.  And since there was no real space for me to use as a desk, I spread out over half of our dining room table with piles of papers on the chairs around me.

The office "before"

A few months ago I decided that I would take the path of least resistance and...RUN AWAY.  I decided that we should buy an "our" house and rent out his house (mine is already rented).  That would solve all our problems!  Donovan was on board...I think he's willing to do just about anything to keep me happy.  My best friend Sheri stepped in as the voice of reason and suggested that there were still steps we could take here to try and make this house "livable" for me.  She said most of it was stuff we'd want to do anyway to make the place rentable, too, so we might as well see if it would work and possibly get some benefit out of it.

Donovan got on board with the new plan, and the idea was that when we got back from our honeymoon, we would start moving all his stuff from downstairs into storage, and find a contractor and finally create an office area for us.  My amazing husband decided to speed things along as a surprise for me.  While we were on our honeymoon, he hired movers to come and move almost everything from downstairs and the garage into a storage unit nearby, with Sheri supervising.  So when we came home from the honeymoon, the downstairs was ready to go! 

I got in touch with my old contractor, Bob the Builder, a couple days after we got home and a few days later, the project began!  Four weeks after they started, the downstairs is done!!!  Recessed lighting, new paint, new baseboards, new carpet, new ceiling fan, new outlets and switches...it's like a whole new house in our downstairs!  We bought new office furniture...two giant L-shaped desks with drawers put back-to-back to create a T-shape, a lateral filing cabinet, and a bookcase, all in a dark chocolate color.

So here I sit, in our new office, finally feeling like I have a space to call my own.  Ahhhhhhh........

The office "after" - still moving in

Here We Go Again

The time has come to re-enter the world of blogging! It has been about three years since the last time I blogged...and much has happened in the interim!

My cousin Sigal (http://lilcornerofjoy.blogspot.com) and I are having a blogging challenge. To blog five days a week, about nothing in particular, just to get the juices flowing. Sigal is a writer, in the process of finding a publisher for her first young-adult book. And I have always wanted to write, and never know about what. Maybe I'll find the answer here!

I'm open to suggestions for topics. Mostly, I'll probably just write about whatever happens to be most present in my life at the moment.

So...let the blogging challenge begin!!! :)