Today at the pool, my friend Amy came and sat down with us, and she said to me, "You're always smiling." I tried to protest, and she noted that even when I was talking to a group of people about how I didn't know what I wanted to do for a career, I was smiling.
A little while later, when Donovan and I were back in our room, I asked him about it. Because I know that with Donovan, I'm not always smiling. More than anyone else, he gets to see me in all my moods...grumpy, bitchy, whiny, angry, and yes, happy as well. So is it fake when I'm with other people?
I've never considered myself to be a fake person. In fact, I would say I'm quite the opposite. It's usually pretty obvious when I'm unhappy or angry...I have a hard time hiding it!
I have an amazingly blessed life, and don't have a whole lot to complain about, not really. So for me to be smiling a lot seems fairly logical. I guess my question would be, if I'm not acting when I'm around other people, why don't I smile as much for my husband as I do for everyone else?
2 comments:
It's seemingly a paradox, where the people we love the most and wish to think the best of us, get to see us at our worst. But I see it as an issue of trust and confidence, in that when you're close enough to a person, you allow them to see the more secret parts of yourself, and the ones that are less socially acceptable. Even the happiest person (where is that guy??) cannot be merry 100% of the time, and the outlet is likely to be their best friend who will stay there anyway, and (usually) not the random person at the grocery store. Although that happens. Yes.
It seems to me that if you behave the same with your closest friend (or, say, partner) as you would with a group of friends or semi-random people, that would be more of an 'anomaly'.
I totally agree, Einavi. It's my job to be there for the worst of it. :)
The paradox for me is that, while sometimes I'm annoyed that I have to put up with the crap and most people only get the "good" Iris, at the same time I'm sad for other people because they don't get to see the really, really cute Iris that I get a lot of the time. Sure, she is super cute to everyone, but the version I get to see when we're alone is just ridiculous. :) And sometimes I wish I could share it with the world. And sometimes I just want to keep it for myself...
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