An Interview with Donovan

I'm still feeling a little blah about blogging, so I am bringing in reinforcements.  Today, Donovan is blogging with me!  He's lying on the floor next to my desk, and is going to contribute to my blog.  Any minute now...Still waiting...

Oh!  An idea!  I'll interview Donovan!  Hmmm...what about?  I know...I can interview him about my favorite subject...ME!  :)

Me:  What do you love most about me?
Donovan:  Boobs 
Me:  No, seriously, what do you love most about me?
Donovan:  I love how cute you are, I love how much fun we have together, I love how you love me...

Me:  What drives you the most nuts about me?
Donovan:  The most nuts...hmmm...Probably, what comes to mind, is you getting annoyed at all the things I do (all the things I promised to do for the rest of your life!).

Me:  What do you think about my blog?
Donovan:  I love it.  I love how it's a window into your mind.  I learn things from your blog that I didn't know.  As much as we talk and share, there's different stuff in your blog.  And I think it really makes you think about yourself and what's going on with you.  And I love how lots of other people are reading your blog.  It makes me really proud.
Me:  Awwww...  :)

Me:  Why do you think I've been blah about blogging the past week and a half or so?
Donovan:  I think that 90% of the things you're initially excited about and want to do, you end up hating.  Lots of things turn into a "have to" for you, and you forget why you originally wanted to do them.  And I think that keeping your promises or commitments or doing the things that you said you would do somehow turns into someone else making you do something, which you hate.
Me:  Huh.

Me:  Where in the world would you most like to go with me?
Donovan:  Marrakesh.
Me:  Really?  Marrakesh?  Like, Morocco?
Donovan:  Yep.  It's tied for first.
Me:  Tied with what?
Donovan:  Italy, Paris, Australia, Coast of Spain...
Me:  Interesting.

Me:  What else would you like people to know about me?
Donovan:  I want people to know that you have one of the strongest personalities of anyone I've met and that keeps me on my toes and makes for an interesting marriage.  And I love you immensely.  And I'm very lucky to have you.  And you have a dot in the colored part of your left eye that you don't have in your right.  And we need to go to bed.

There you have it, folks!  An interview about me with my husband!  :)

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Jason Mraz is Uh-mazing!

We just got home from seeing Jason Mraz in concert.  That boy is MAGICAL!!!  Every time I see him in concert, I am reminded of why I try to see him every time he comes to San Diego.  This particular concert was an acoustic concert with just Jason and his drummer/percussionist/backup singer Toca.  The show started a little after 7:30pm and ended around 10:30pm with a short intermission.  Out of the two and a half hours or so that they played, I think I knew four or five songs.  Ordinarily that would drive me nuts, and I would be bored out of my mind.  With Jason, it just doesn't matter.

His sound is so smooth, and his voice is simply *amazing*.  And the boy is FUNNY!  Definitely has a great sense of humor, which comes out not only in all the talking he does, but also in his songs.  In one song he and Toca did whale sounds, and then so did the whole audience. 

He is an incredibly versatile musician.  He plays guitar, he plays piano, he sings in a variety of styles...  For one song, he sat down at the piano and played while he sang, and in the middle of the song he went into full on opera-style singing, and he was really f-ing good!  Such a clear, clean, beautifully smooth voice.

I found myself just sitting there and feeling totally peaceful as they played.  I didn't care what time it was, or who was doing what in the audience.  I was totally immersed in the world of music they were creating.  And as I screamed my lungs out after they did "I'm Yours" (my favorite of his songs), I was just plain happy!  San Diego is their home town, and you could see that both Jason and Toca were genuinely touched at the end of the show with the ovation they received.  It was great to be a part of that!

I definitely recommend going to see him if you have the chance.  He's here again tomorrow night, just in case...  :)

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Twilight

I'm not ashamed to admit it...I read all the Twilight books.  

Not only did I read them, I inhaled them.  It was December 2008, and I was going to the Canyon Ranch spa in Arizona for a week by myself.  I started the first book on the plane down there on Saturday.  It was like crack, and I couldn't stop reading.  Here I was at this amazing world-class spa, and everywhere I went, I took my book with me.  At every meal, in between classes, while waiting for my spa treatments...I was reading.  I'm pretty sure I finished the first book that same day, started and finished the second book the next day (staying up til the wee hours of the morning to finish), and then made myself take a break from reading the books so that I could focus on relaxing at the spa.  I'm pretty sure my break lasted a day, and by Thursday I was done with all four books (for those of you who haven't read them, these are no small books we're talking about...on average they are 640 pages each).  I read 2,560 pages in six days.

Maybe because I read them so close together, or maybe because of how they're written (or some combination thereof), I was completely immersed in their world, even after I finished reading the books.  I was enamored with the characters and the world they lived in, and I wanted to live there with them.  It took quite some time for that effect to wear off.

When the first Twilight movie came out, I refused to see it.  It was such a sacred thing in my head, and I didn't want their images of the characters to replace the ones that already lived in my head.  I held out for many months, and finally watched it on DVD.  It was pretty cheesy, and couldn't quite capture things the way the book did.  Still, I was hooked, and I watched the next two movies in the theater.

Tonight Donovan and I went to see Breaking Dawn, Part 1.  This movie covers the first half of the fourth book.  So much of the fourth book takes place in Bella's head, so I was interested to see how they would capture that on film.  The reality of it is, they didn't.  The movie was entertaining enough, and imparts the basic storyline.  But to a true fan of the books, it just doesn't measure up.  The power of the fourth book is in all the internal pain, struggle and agony that Bella goes through, and a majority of that was lost in translation.  Still, they ended the movie in the perfect place and, like a true addict, I can't wait to see Part 2!  :)

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Poker Night

Once a month, Donovan and I put on the local Mensa poker tournament.  This was his undertaking, which I started helping with last year.  We don't host it here, but we bring all the poker tables, chips, etc., and we collect money and basically run the tournament.  It's a lot of fun every month.  I've never made it to the final table, but I usually play decently enough.  I put in my $20 at the beginning of the night, and however far that gets me, it gets me. 

Tonight was a different format than usual, a sit-and-go format.  So rather than one big tournament and when you're out you're out, it's that as soon as there are eight players ready to play, you start a new table.  And when you're out of one table, you can wait for a new one to start and play there.  I spent the first couple of hours tonight organizing things so that Donovan could play.  This format is much more organizationally intense than the regular tournaments, which we usually both play in.  Donovan came in second at the first table he played at tonight, and won $80 (with a $20 buy-in).  He decided he didn't want to play at another table, so I took the opportunity to play in one of the next tables that started.  Our table decided to pay out the top three spots instead of just top two (we started with ten players).  I came in third and won back my $20 buy-in!  It's the first time I've ever won any money at these tournaments.  Yay!  :)

The people who come to play at the tournaments are really great.  It's a surprisingly small number of Mensa members, considering it's a Mensa event!  We actually get quite an interesting mix of people, and it's always a fun time.

I always feel really good about myself at the end of our poker nights.  The tournaments usually run very smoothly, and we get a lot of compliments from people.  I really feel in my element with making sure that the food and drinks are laid out properly, that everyone is taken care of...basically being a hostess, with a little more responsibility.  It's one of those things that I just know I do well, and it's fun!

Sadly, there's no tournament in December, so I'll have to wait till the end of January for the next one!

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Blogger's Block

Well, apparently I've hit the wall...the blogging wall.  This week has been a serious struggle for me with blogging.  I don't know if it was the weekend's blogging from last week that burned me out, or the holiday this week took my focus, but I'm not really feeling the blogging this week.  I've committed to five days a week, so I'm blogging now to keep that commitment, and I don't really have much to say.

We had a really nice day yesterday for Thanksgiving.  Slept in late, went and picked up the food, and then spent the afternoon/evening with friends in our pajamas eating and drinking and playing games.  Ended up having homemade (by one of our friends) cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting for dessert instead of  pumpkin pie...a good trade!

I'm hoping this weekend will bring me more inspiration for the blog!  Apologies for the dud post!!

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Our New Home!

A few months ago, I was ready to go buy a new house just to get away from this one.  Not that there's anything inherently wrong with this house.  It's up on a hill, has a nice view, has great architecture and high ceilings, only one wall attached...it's a great house!  What wasn't so great was the cat pee smell in the entire downstairs, the dingy old carpet with practically no padding left under it in the whole house, the lack of overhead lighting in most rooms, and what seemed like a general lack of space.

Instead of buying a new house, we decided to do some remodeling, which we started at the beginning of September right after we got back from our honeymoon.  We started with phase one, which was the downstairs.  Electrical work to install overhead lights, new paint and baseboards, new carpet, and bye-bye cat pee smell.  That was finished in mid-October, and we got our office furniture and got set up.  Then came phase two, which included the stairs, family/living room and the dining room.  The family/living room was a BIG project.  All sorts of wiring for our home theater under the floorboards and in the walls, a shelf built for our projector, electrical work and overhead lighting, new paint, new mantle, hearth and tiling, new baseboards and new carpet.  The dining room was paint, baseboards and carpet.  Today, on November 23, 2011, phase two is complete!!

 Our newly remodeled living room

There's still more to come after the holiday...phases three and four!  Master bedroom, master bathroom and powder room.  Hopefully that will only take a few weeks, and if all goes well, it can all be done before Christmas!!  Then the only thing left is the kitchen, which we may wait a little while on...

I can't even tell you how ecstatic I am.  Even without the master bedroom being done...it's seriously like having a new house.  Aside from the basic architecture of the house, practically everything else is new!  It looks amazing, it smells amazing (I had my house cleaner come today, too)...IT'S SO GREAT!!!  I lay down on the carpet in the middle of the living room looking up at our awesome new lights and the paint and the amazingness of it all, and I felt calm, peaceful, and very very happy.  Hooray!!!

Holiday Traditions

I grew up in a Jewish household of Israeli descent, so our holiday traditions were built around Jewish holidays like Chanukah and Passover.  Many of those traditions still stand...for at least one night of Chanukah I will light candles on the phone with my parents and then we'll sing the Chanukah songs (Donovan got video of this last year, and he thinks it's hilariously adorable).  What I don't really have are holiday traditions around the non-Jewish holidays like Thanksgiving.   

Last year was the first year that Donovan and I spent Thanksgiving together.  We decided not to travel anywhere and not to go to anyone's house.  Instead, we declared it Pajama Thanksgiving.  We spent the day in our pajamas, even going to pick up our holiday meal from Mimi's in our pjs!  We watched holiday movies, including Love Actually (one of my most favoritest!), and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, ate our holiday meal, and had a spectacular day.

A couple of months ago I was chatting with a friend of mine, and we came up with the idea of an orphan Thanksgiving, where any of our friends that don't have family close by can all get together and spend the holiday with one another.  I immediately thought of our amazing Pajama Thanksgiving last year, and after talking to Donovan about it, we decided to host Orphan Pajama Thanksgiving this year!  I challenged Bob, our contractor, to get the family room and dining room done by the holiday for us, and he delivered!  Carpet went in today, and tomorrow Bob and Michael are coming back to put on the finishing touches.  So far we have two or three definite attendees, and lots of "maybe" or "we'll stop by in the evening for dessert" responses.  If you don't have plans for the holiday and are in the area, let us know!  :)

I'm excited to see how this holiday turns out.  I'm sure it's going to be a lot of fun!  We're getting a large holiday meal from Mimi's (including a whole turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, vegetables, pie and more), I've got a recipe for pumpkin pie martinis that I'm excited to try out, the house looks *amazing*, we've got games to play and movies to watch, and we're spending the day with awesome people!  Will this turn into a holiday tradition?  Guess we'll have to wait and see!  Now I just need to pick out which pajamas I'm going to wear!!  :)

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A Special Day With Doda

For the past several years, I've had a tradition with my brother's kids...a Special Day with Doda (aunt) Iris.  Whenever one of the kids has a birthday, I fly up here and spend the day with him or her doing whatever he or she wants to do.  Over the years I've done many different combinations of Dave & Busters, Malibu Grand Prix, Baskin Robbins, bowling, mini golf, a movie, Toys R Us...I'm sure I'm leaving out a few.  Traditionally, I've taken the birthday child out of school for the day, which makes it even more fun for them!  This year, though, the older three requested not to miss school, which has made the scheduling a little more challenging for me.  My second-oldest nephew had his 11th birthday in March of this year, and I didn't make his special day happen until today.  It wasn't the ideal day for it, since we have the Bar Mitzvah party starting at 5:00pm, and it's Sunday, which means that a lot of stuff doesn't open until later.  Still, we figured better this than nothing at all!

It's been the plan for a few weeks now, and I talked to him about it yesterday when I was over there.  I let him know that it was supposed to rain today, so he should figure out indoor stuff to do.  When I arrived this morning to pick him up, he let me know that he wanted to go to a place where you can pitch baseballs and then have your pitching speed measured by a radar gun.  Sort of the opposite of batting cages, of which there are many in the area.  We spent some time doing Google searches to try and find something like what he was looking for.  I called a few sports-type places to see if they had any ideas, and none of them had heard of anything like that.  I asked my nephew if there was something else he'd like to do, and made some suggestions.  All of them were met with "No."  He was pretty set on the baseball pitching idea.  My brother and his wife weren't home, and I asked my oldest nephew (the one whose Bar Mitzvah party is today) to talk to his brother.  Nothing useful came out of that.  The 11-year-old started playing video games on the computer, and said that that was what he wanted to do.

Through all the transformational work that I've done, I've come to the understanding that it's not a question of whether you're going to mess up your kids, it's a question of when.  You could be the best parent in the world, with the best intentions, and something will happen that your child will make mean something about themselves, and there's not a whole lot you can do to prevent that.  This child is not my own child, and I know that I can still inadvertently damage his self-esteem.  We've had issues in the past, he and I, because I wouldn't take him on his special day due to behavioral issues.  So I already feel like the relationship is tenuous.  I really wanted him to understand that this day was his, that I was there to be with him, and that he had a choice to make.

I tried to get him to stop playing his video game long enough for me to have a conversation with him, but he wasn't having it.  So while he was playing, I told him that I loved him, that I was there to spend the day with him, that I wasn't going to force him to do anything, and that he could choose to play computer games, or go have a fun day with me.  He said he wanted to play computer games.  At this point I had been there for close to an hour, and I was pretty done with the whole thing.  My niece and younger nephew were gung-ho to go to the nearby Jewish deli and get lunch, so after another round of questions to the 11-year-old, I took the two others, and we went to lunch.  We brought food back for the 11-year-old and the Bar Mitzvah boy, and after hanging around for a few more minutes, I left.

I don't quite have peace around this whole thing.  I am happy that I kept my cool and didn't yell or threaten or even really get upset.  And I'm wondering if there was a better way that I could have handled it, a way that I could have broken through his wall and gotten in.

I'm now left with the question of where to go from here.  Since we were having a shorter day, I told him that this would be part one, and that we would do part two another time.  Should I try this again with him in the near future?  How many times do I put myself (and him) through this?  Will it be different the next time?  I have no clue...

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Orthodox For a Day

Disclaimer:  My knowledge about Judaism is a little spotty, so please excuse any errors!

This morning my nephew had the synagogue part of his Bar Mitzvah.  Because my brother and his family are Orthodox Jews, attending this event was not as simple as just showing up.  See, the Jewish Sabbath begins at sundown on Friday and ends Saturday after sundown.  And during the Sabbath, there are all sorts of dos and don'ts to follow.  In my day-to-day life, I do not follow these rules.  I do not keep Kosher, and I do not observe the Sabbath.  My brother and his family do.  And for this event, my brother requested that nobody break the Sabbath to attend my nephew's Bar Mitzvah.

So...what to do? 

Over the years, I have tried to be at as many special events for the kids as has been feasible.  I've been at birthdays, circumcisions, special performances...and a Bar Mitzvah is a pretty big deal!  So I made arrangements for a hotel room near my brother's house and also walking distance from the synagogue.  Ordinarily I would have just stayed at their house, but with my sister-in-law's parents visiting from Israel, there wasn't any room for me.  My plan was to arrive in Palo Alto on Friday afternoon before the Sabbath began, check into the hotel, and then go hang out with my brother's family for the Sabbath dinner.  After that I would go back to the hotel to sleep, walk to the synagogue on Saturday morning to see my nephew read from the Torah, and then spend the day at my brother's house until the Sabbath ended when I would drive back to my parents' house.  Simple!

Yesterday afternoon I was g-chatting with my brother about what time I should get there.  He asked me if I was going to make arrangements with the hotel so that one of their employees could let me into my room during the Sabbath so that I wasn't initiating electricity (a Sabbath no-no!).  Suddenly I realized that just staying nearby so that I could walk to the synagogue wasn't going to be enough.  Not breaking the Sabbath means so much more than just not driving!  So in what's turning out to be my M.O., I threw a small temper tantrum about this before coming to a more rational place about it.  In the shower, where I apparently do some of my best thinking, I realized that if I was going to do this thing, I was going to do it all the way.  To get a hotel room but then use my cell phone, turn lights on and off, etc. was still breaking the Sabbath and disrespecting my brother's wishes.  I might as well just not go in that case.  And since I flew up here to be at my nephew's Bar Mitzvah, I was going to do it right.

I called my brother and asked him what his expectations were about me keeping the Sabbath.  He said that he would like for me to keep it as fully as possible.  I had him lay out what exactly that meant:  no turning lights on and off (leave a light on in the hotel room, preferably in a place with a door I could close), no using the electronic key card to get into the room, no using any phones/computers/etc., and a few other odds and ends.  Initially, I was most upset at the fact that I wouldn't be able to say goodnight to Donovan before going to bed, which is quite important to me.  Donovan did a great job bringing me around to seeing this whole thing as an adventure, and I got to text him a good night message at 4:30pm just before turning off my phone for the duration.  Thankfully the hotel is used to these kinds of requests from traveling Jews, and the guy at the front desk was great about the whole thing.  When I came back from my brother's house last night, he came right out with my key and opened the door to my hotel room for me.

I had a really nice time spending the 26 hours (minus sleeping time) with my brother and his family.  I got to hold the baby a lot (yay, shots!), I got to see my nephew read from the Torah for his Bar Mitzvah, and I got to spend some good quality time with my nephews, niece, brother and sister-in-law.  And other than not being able to text or talk with Donovan, it really wasn't that painful!  What's more, both my brother and sister-in-law acknowledged me for really going the extra mile to be there and respect their religion.

I'm not going to say that I want to adopt this as my lifestyle, and it's good to know that I can successfully do it every once in a while when needed!

I Should Buy Stock in Southwest!

It feels like I'm doing a lot of flying lately.  Which is great, because it means that I have a very full life with a lot of fun adventures!  And, these next few weeks seem a bit over-crowded!  Last week we flew up to Oakland for my coach training, this week I flew up to San Jose for my nephew's bar mitzvah, in two weeks we fly to Vegas for the Rock N Roll half marathon (which I'm pretty sure I'll be walking, given my lack of training!), and then the weekend after that we'll be back here in San Jose again.

Thankfully, Southwest Airlines does a really great job getting us to all these places!  It's interesting how some people *hate* Southwest, and some people love them.  I'm in the love-them category.  I've been flying on Southwest for years and years, and have had mostly positive experiences with them.  True, before 9/11 the flight attendants were much more fun, and they're still a great bunch.  The planes are nice, their prices can be reasonable, and we've had really great luck with on-time flights lately, as well.

There's a hotel in San Diego that has a contract with Southwest Airlines so that all their crew stay there.  The hotel has a sushi restaurant in it, and because of that contract with Southwest, the sushi bar stays open late at night.  One night Donovan and I were there, and we ended up sitting next to a couple of Southwest flight attendants.  I can't remember how the conversation started, but I asked them what they would most like to receive as a gift from a passenger.  The answer was very clear...chocolate!!  This was a few years ago, and ever since then I make it a point to bring a bag of Reese's miniature peanut butter cups (my favorite) on every flight, and I give them to the flight attendants.  I have gotten a wide range of reactions, but one thing is clear.  These folks sure do like being appreciated and thought of!

What's my point?  I'm not sure I have one.  :)  I do know that I'm personally grateful for the existence of Southwest Airlines, and the great people who work for them.  And perhaps I really should look at buying their stock!  :p

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A Budget?

I will be the first person to tell you that I have had an unhealthy relationship with money.  I'm quite honest about it, I think.  I had to be bailed out of debt by my parents more than once in my early 20s (thank you!!), and I never really invested the time or the energy to develop the knowledge or the skills to manage my money well.  Plus, I'm often lazy and self-indulgent.

This past weekend I was in my first coach training through iPEC.  One of the things we talked about was something called a Limiting Belief.  These are beliefs that, well, limit you.  :)  Really!  One of the limiting beliefs that I identified for myself is I can't manage my money.  I've been limited by this belief for quite some time now.  And the funny thing is that when I spoke it out loud to the girl who was peer coaching me, it sounded absurd.  Of course I can!  Who says that I can't? (Me!)  Once I realized the absurdity of the statement, it started to open up a possibility for me to look at that area of my life.

Later on in the weekend, we learned a goal setting method and practiced it on each other in peer-coaching sessions.  I chose to work on the goal of having and following a budget that works for our lives.  One of the things this goal setting method does is to break down large goals into manageable, bite-size pieces.  I came up with a first step of pulling together six months worth of financial information...checking account and credit card statements.  That's it.  That's the first step.  As an overachieving perfectionist, I had to remind myself that the point of this method is to create a pattern of success, thus the manageable, bite-size pieces.  So I chose that simple first step, and set up accountability with my coach to have that step done by 5:00pm today.

On Monday I went to my bank's website and downloaded six months worth of my checking account statements, and I went to my credit card's website and downloaded six months worth of my visa statements.  Earlier today I realized that I had forgotten about my American Express card, so I downloaded those, too.  I e-mailed my coach and let her know that I had done what I said I would do, and I set a new goal with her of taking one month of expenses (from May 2011) and breaking my spending down into categories in a spreadsheet which I will create.  I gave myself two weeks to do this task, since I want my goal to be reasonable and achievable.  If I finish sooner, awesome!

I don't necessarily have a solid plan in place yet for this whole budgeting thing.  However, the fact that I'm willing to talk about it and am taking action on it is HUGE for me!  I'm very excited to see how it all plays out, and to see what I create for myself!

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To Get the Shot Or Not to Get the Shot?

I won't keep you in suspense...I got the shot.

This whole story started last week when I got an e-mail from my brother asking if I had gotten my flu shot and whooping cough vaccine, and if not, could I please get those before I come and visit them this weekend?  My initial reaction:  Ummm...excuse me??  To explain...My brother has a new baby, born three weeks ago.  This coming weekend is his oldest son's Bar Mitzvah, which I am flying up for.  I'm planning on spending quite a bit of time at my brother's house with the family, and this is the first time I'll be meeting my new nephew!  I've never gotten any shots before seeing the other kids when they were babies (this is number five), but Eliyah was sick last week, so I understand the precautions.

Understanding the precautions is one thing.  Wanting to get the shots is another.  I haven't been getting flu shots in the last few years since they became all the rage.  I'm healthy, and I don't fall into the old or young category.  And I'm not real keen on getting shots or medications that I don't really need (live virus, or dead).  My initial reaction to my brother's request came in very mature form:  I don't wanna!!!  I actually had this huge tantrum on the phone with Donovan about how I hate being forced into things or being told what I have to do (also very mature, I know). 

My brother told me that whooping cough vaccine is included when you get a tetanus shot, so if I was current on my tetanus shot, then I was fine on that front.  Here's the thing about me being current with my tetanus shot...I'm four years overdue!!!  I got a tetanus shot in December of 1997 when my Dexter kitten bit my finger.  In 2008 the doctor figured out I was overdue, but I was training for triathlons at the time, and it didn't work for me to not be able to train for three days (in case I got the super-sore arm thing).  So I kept putting it off and next thing you know, here we are in 2011 and I still haven't had one!  I sheepishly admitted to my brother that it was probably a good idea for me to get a tetanus shot, so we were covered on the whooping cough front.

The choice became mine to make.  Get the flu shot (even though I didn't wanna) and get to hold my new nephew and hang out with my family, or don't get the shot and have to stay 3-4 feet away from the baby at all times.  I pouted for a while, and then I remembered (partially thanks to my husband) that family is hugely important to me, and getting the shot would be very much in line with my values.  I called the doctor and made my appointment to get the shots.

So now I have a band-aid on each arm, one of which is sorer than the other (damn you, tetanus!).  And in just a few days, on Friday, I will get to hold my baby nephew Eliyah for the first time!  :)

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L.A. or Emeryville?

We just got home a little while ago from the first weekend of my iPEC coach training, which I did in Emeryville, CA (just outside of Berkeley).  It was a really amazing weekend, with a great group of people.  There were 28 of us in the course this weekend, and probably about 20 of those will continue through the whole program.  The program is also offered in L.A., which is closer to me.  The first weekend of the training in L.A. was last weekend (11/4-11/6), which I could not attend because of the fifth Wisdom weekend.

When I made the choice to go to Emeryville for the first weekend, I figured that I would just do the second and third weekends there as well, to stay with the same group of people.  However, after traveling there this weekend, I'm having second thoughts.  Emeryville itself is fine.  The training took place at the Four Points Sheraton, which is where Donovan and I stayed.  There are lots of places within walking distance to eat, and the hotel was nice.  The traveling itself is what I'm not sure I want to deal with on my own the next time.  It's 4-4.5 hours of travel time from our front door to the hotel, including driving to the airport, waiting for the plane, flying up to Oakland, waiting for the rental car shuttle, renting a car, and driving to the hotel.  Same thing coming back tonight.  As I was doing all of that, I thought, "I could just get in my car and drive to L.A. and probably only spend about 2-2.5 hours traveling in each direction."  Sure, I'd have to pay for gas, but I wouldn't have to pay for the flight or the rental car (which by the way just sat in the hotel parking lot for three days!).

So now I'm debating where to do my second weekend in February.  After spending three days with the group in Emeryville, I've obviously developed a relationship with them.  I would be going into a totally new group of people in L.A.  Thankfully, the course facilitator is the same guy, Keith, in both cities.  He was really great this weekend.  The convenience factor of L.A. is definitely a draw right now.  Plus, if I'm in L.A., Donovan can drive up and visit me!  :)  I know that no matter where I go I will get amazing training and I will be with a great group of people.  Still...decisions, decisions!

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Coach Training

We're here in Emeryville after the second day of the first iPEC coach certification weekend.  The weekend is three 10-hour days, so we're 2/3 of the way through!  So far, it's been really great.  I'm very happy that Donovan gets to be here with me!  It's fun sitting next to him in class, and he's definitely getting a lot out of it, too.

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm training to be a coach.  I've been participating in transformational courses for over two years now, and so I'm used to participating for my own growth and development.  This course *is* partly about my growth and development, but it's mainly training me to be a coach!  It's teaching me tools and ways of being to be an effective coach.  I'm learning the value of open-ended questions!  :)

We've done several mini-coaching sessions already within the course, starting the first day after only about three hours of training.  I doubt this will come as a terrible shock to you...I'm alright at it!  Oh, there's plenty for me to learn and practice.  And thankfully, I'm fairly intuitive when it comes to one-on-one conversations with people about what matters to them and what they want for their life.  Still, there are many techniques to really getting underneath what's going on with someone, and finding out where they want to go with their life.

Interestingly, coaching is very much about listening, and very little about talking!  In fact, one of the acronyms that was mentioned today was W.A.I.T. (Why Am I Talking?)  Coaching is also not about *fixing*, and I am definitely a natural fixer!  So the training process will give me an opportunity to talk less, listen more, and not try to fix things.  Should be an interesting ride!!

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Ah, the Little Voice...

We're flying to Oakland tonight because my coach certification program with iPec (http://www.ipeccoaching.com) starts tomorrow morning.  I'm excited that Donovan gets to come with me for this weekend...he gets to attend the whole weekend with me for free!  It'll be really great to have him there, not just for company, but to have him go through the course with me and really get it!  It will open up future conversations about all sorts of things.

So of course my ugly little gremlin (or voice, or whatever you want to call it) is rearing its ugly little head.  What if I'm not prepared enough for this weekend?  What if I don't get it?  What if I'm not good at coaching?  What if, what if, what if? 

Now mind you, this is not new.  This is pretty typical of me before doing something I've never done before.  Why am I so afraid of the unknown?  And why am I so afraid to fail?  In the Wisdom Course, we get to look at failure not as something bad, rather as an opportunity to figure out what was missing and try again.  Which totally makes sense to the rational me.  The three-year-old who runs much of my life, however, doesn't really grasp that.  She's just really really afraid.

One of the challenges for me this weekend is to get into the "beginner's mind", and not just sit inside of "I already know this."  Having been through so many transformational courses over the past two years, it's definitely a potential pitfall for me to think that I'm already an expert.  Plus, I did a good portion of the pre-course work, so of course I already know everything!!  :p

I guess I feel like I have a lot riding on this.  Even though I say that I'm doing this coach certification just to check it out and see if it suits me, I may have already chosen coaching as my next career path.  Which would mean that I really can't afford to mess this up!  :)

As I well know, everything always works out the way it is meant to, and this is no exception.  I am going to have fun this weekend, learn as much as I can, and try not to psych myself out too much.  Cheers to that!

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Ugh...Religion

Disclaimer:  It is not my intention to offend anyone with this post.  And I may anyway, so I apologize.

Last night I was hanging out with a group of participants in this year's Wisdom Course.  We do these coursework parties every week for the entire duration (8 months?) of the course.  One of my good friends at the coursework party last night was talking about religion.  Specifically, how she is disappointed with her religion and can't seem to find an access to spirituality.

The conversation really sparked my anti-religion feelings.  Here is a girl who was totally devoted to her religion, loved God, and then was told that because of some of her beliefs, she basically wasn't good enough for the religion.  I'm over-simplifying, obviously, but that's the gist of it.  If God is supposed to be this benevolent being who loves everyone, why do most religions exclude large groups of people for one reason or another?  For me it occurs like a giant hypocrisy:  "God loves you, as long as you follow these rules and partake in these rituals.  If you don't, then God doesn't love you so much anymore."  When I was in college I wrote a paper about how historically religion has been the cause of countless wars and millions upon millions of deaths.  How could something like that be a good thing?

Here's the thing for me about religion.  I've always felt that everyone has a right to believe in whatever they want to, as long as they're not hurting anyone and not trying to shove their religion down my throat.  And I've been really lucky to have some very patient people around me who are willing to explain the intricacies of their religion to me and answer all my questions.  Personally, I have yet to find (not that I've been searching really hard) a religion that speaks to me.  I'm not even sure what that would look like.  The best I can say is that I do believe in some greater power out there, which I like to call "The Universe."  I believe in Karma and life presenting opportunities to deal with the things there are to deal with (sometimes over and over until I'm ready to deal with something).  I believe in being kind and putting out as much positive energy into the universe as possible.  What I don't believe in is having someone tell me what I can and can't do or who I can and can't love.  Having someone tell me that some people are simply better than others because they believe a certain way.  Having someone tell me that I'm doomed to burn in someone's creation called "hell" if I don't do this, that or the other.

I really hope that my friend finds the answers that she is looking for.  That she finds a God that will accept her as the amazing, loving, kind, beautiful, generous person that she is, and that it brings her peace.  And maybe someday I will find that, too.

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Two and a Half Months Later...

Our wedding was two and a half months ago, and I still have a list of things that I need to do from it!  We still haven't picked a winner for our wedding photo contest (although we have narrowed it down to 15 contenders).  We still haven't sent out thank-you cards (although we did design and order them).  We still haven't written reviews for our vendors, all of whom were spectacular and deserve your business.

For whatever reason, these tasks loom huge over my head, when in reality it wouldn't take *that* much time to get them done.  I've had the thank-you cards ordered and ready to start for probably three weeks.  If I had written three or four a day since then (which was my intention), I'd probably be close to done!  Why do I let myself get overwhelmed by things like this instead of just breaking them into bite-sized tasks and getting them done?

There have been so many other times in my adult life where I said, "If I would just do ______ for 15 minutes a day, it would get done no problem."  And yet, I don't do it.  Apparently, I'm a glutton for punishment. 

So right now, I am going to write five thank-you cards, because I can.

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Who I Am Is...

Today was Community Sunday for the fifth weekend of the Wisdom Course.  My favorite exercise of the day was one where we were in groups of about six people, and one person stood up in the middle of the group and turned to each person and said, "Who do you say I am?"  Then each person in the group had a chance to tell the person in the center who they are for them.  "I say you are love, compassion, strength, adventure, a good friend..." etc.  You would think that this is an exercise you can only do with people you know, and yet the interesting part of it is that you can do this exercise with a total stranger, just based on your impression of them.  To be able to acknowledge a total stranger is something very powerful...imagine what the world could be like if we all did that?

I did this exercise last year when I was a participant in the Wisdom Course, and it was very powerful.  People say some amazing things.  This year, I was assisting on the course, and so I got to hear about myself in a whole different way...how I show up for people as someone who supports the participants.  I swear, I wished I could record the things everyone was saying, and just play them back for myself every morning, or anytime I get down on myself.  It's so interesting to hear the way I show up for people.  A lot of it I know about myself, and it's nice to hear.  But some of it is stuff that I don't necessarily think of myself as, and I could see it.

The next part of the exercise is for each person to say whether or not we would be willing to live as others see us, rather than as the perhaps less flattering image we have of ourselves in our own head.  I said Yes.  Wouldn't that be something?  See, I'm not a person who doesn't know my own strengths and good qualities...I do!  At least, when I'm being very logical and thinking clearly.  :)  And, when I'm being very human, I can get rather stuck in thinking some less flattering things about myself.  So if I could live all the time as the generous, loving, compassionate, fun, adventurous, cute, accepting, joyous, beautiful person that others see me as...heck yeah!!  I would definitely take that on!  The question now becomes...How?

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Tonight, I Was A Man

My friend had her 30th birthday tonight, and it was a drag party.  So, girls came dressed as guys, and guys came dressed as girls.  I borrowed a white dress shirt and a tie from Donovan, put my hair back, put a beanie on, and used eyeliner to paint a mustache and goatee on myself.  I have to say, minus the boobs, I kinda looked like a guy!

 Me, in drag

We ended up going to this lesbian bar with a big group of us dressed mostly as guys, with a few guys dressed as girls.  It was quite an interesting experience!  I would have expected to get a lot more odd looks, but when I walked up to the bar to get a drink, I didn't really see any weird glances!

We had a lot of fun, and I tried to swagger and say "Dude" a lot (not a big change for me, actually, minus the swagger).  After a while, I kind of forgot how I was dressed!  We took a bunch of pictures, and when I looked at some of them afterward, I didn't even really recognize myself.  And in some of them, I kind of reminded myself of my brother!  :p

I love that we do fun stuff like this without even a second thought!  Certainly, we do not have a boring life!  :)

A few of the "dudes"

Always Read Through the Whole Test...

Next weekend, I start my coaching certification program through iPEC.  When I signed up for this program a little over a month ago, they told me about their Advanced Standing Program that I could participate in and get a $200 reduction in my tuition.  The program is basically completing a bunch of pre-course work that needed to be completed by midnight yesterday.  I was completely enrolled in doing the Advanced Standing program, and I attended the tele-seminar for it at the beginning of October.  There were several workbooks to do, and also a book to read and write a book report about.  I figured the workbooks would be no problem, so I decided to focus all my attention on getting the book read so I could do the book report.

When I was in grade school, probably around 4th or 5th grade, we had this test one day.  It was this ridiculously difficult test, with all sorts of random things you had to do in the middle of it.  So I went through several pages of doing this test, and then I get to the last question, which basically says you don't need to do any of the things in this test, just sit quietly at your desk.  The moral of the story?  Always read through every test to see what kinds of questions are on it, so that you know how to manage your time.

I'm sure you know where this is going...

So, guess who didn't read through the whole test again this time?  Yep, ME!  I was so focused on reading the book for the book report, that until Monday of this week, I didn't look at the workbooks to see what was involved.  One, the Life Review, was 30 very full pages long.  Another, the Intentions workbook, was 27 very full pages long.  The last one was only 16 pages long.  Okay, major freak-out.  So I started working on the workbooks on Monday, and there was a lot more involved than I realized.  I set aside several hours on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday to get all the work done by the Thursday night deadline.  Major stress for me.

Anyway, to make a long story short (I know, too late!), come Thursday morning and I'm nowhere near done with all the work.  So I had to choose:  try and get everything done by midnight for my $200 rebate, or stop stressing out over something voluntary and make my peace with it.  Could I have gotten it done by midnight?  Probably.  At the expense of all the other things I needed to do, including getting us ready to spend this weekend at Landmark for the 5th Wisdom weekend.   So I chose to make peace with not completing the work, which was very challenging for me.  I tend to set high expectations for myself and I am a perfectionist.  And I was really really pissed at myself for not looking at how much work there was going to be and spacing it out better over the month that I had to do everything.

I'm still going into next weekend with a whole lot more knowledge than I would have had if I had chosen not to participate in the Advanced Standing program to begin with.  And, all the work that I did get done doesn't go to waste, because all of those workbooks and the book report are part of the certification program, and I'm going to have to get them done eventually.

Still, an interesting lesson to learn...again.

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I Missed My Calling

Tonight we went to see the So You Think You Can Dance touring show.  I am a HUGE fan of the show, and this season had some really incredible dancers on it.  The show tonight was Amazing.  Spectacular.  Miraculous.  The things that these kids can do with their bodies...they defy belief and gravity.  When I watch shows like this, one thing is clear to me.  I missed my calling.  I should have been a dancer.

Now for a little reality check.  I'm white, I'm short, I'm overweight, and I'm 37 years old.  Okay, the white-girl part doesn't really count, because many of the amazing dancers on these shows are white.  And I do actually have rhythm!!  :)  But seriously, it's one of the few things that I regret so far about my life.  I wish that I had taken more dance classes as a kid, or as a teenager, or even in my early twenties.  I just have this certainty that I would have been really kick-ass at it.

Whenever I hear music with a beat, I dance, even if it's just in my seat.  I can't help myself!  And yes, I can take dance classes now, and maybe I will.  But at this point, the best I will ever be is just okay.  I wish I had given myself the chance to be great!  I know that regrets are pointless and will get me nowhere...this is one that keeps coming up for me.  So maybe the thing to do IS to start taking some dance classes and see where it takes me.  :)


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